This fic is punctuated with lyrics from "Five Candles (You Were There)," copyright Jars of Clay, from the CD "Much Afraid." Digimon and it's characters are copyright Toei, you'll get nothing from me! Hahahahahaha! *cough*

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Shi-chan: And I return....
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A Promise Or A Dare
By Shimegami-chan


//A promise or a dare
I would jump if I knew you'd catch me.//

I sob into my pillowcase, dampening the white sheets with fresh tears. Alone. Always alone.

//Staring over the edge
I can't tell if you'll be here for me.//

"If I followed you," I said aloud, "Would you let me fall for my sins?"

//I close my eyes and make a wish
Turn out the lights and take a breath
Pray that when the wick is burned
You would say that it's all about love.//

"I wish I'd done a million things differently with my life," I mutter. I want to grow up with friends. Be normal. Have a girlfriend, get married. Have children. Grow old. Have I destroyed my future at the age of eleven? What corrupted me so badly that I can't ever see redemption for myself? "Please," I whisper. "tell me what to do."

And yet...

//You were never here...//

Once upon a time,

//I remember you said
Love was more than your good intentions
Empty boxes on the floor
Things I never asked you for.//

You held me and helped me when I fell. Cleaned my cuts and healed my scars, healed my soul. We were never the best of friends, I know.

But I never meant to lose you. Never wanted to see you hurt, even though your existance caused me terrible pain, your death caused more. Everyone loved you. I loved you.

Even if I never showed it.

You were always there for me, and I took it for granted.

//I can't see the promise of
Excuses you fall upon
I pray to God not holding on
To things you've left undone.//

By taking up this heavy mantle of destruction and death, am I honoring your memory, or discoloring your sacrifice? You wanted to live.

//You were there when I needed you
You were there when the skies broke wide wide open

And now I want to die.

//You were there when I needed you
You were there when the skies broke wide, wide open.//

Please tell me, Osamu-niisan, that the path I have taken won't lead me away from you. I feel you drifting away on angel's wings, while I fall into a pit of despair.

Please, Osamu-niichan. I love you.

Where were you when this evil seed bloomed inside me?

Where were you when I cried myself to sleep at night, wishing to take back my deeds?

Where were you when I lost myself?

Where are you now...when I need you more than anything else?