Digimon's not mine. I've
built the bridge.
*bursts into tears*
-------------------------------
Shi-chan: Two for two...
-------------------------------
Glass
By Shimegami-chan
AUTHOR'S NOTE: AU, some Taito here. Rated for suicide, angst, and death. Not
part of a series, but part of a set. You can read the others if you desire, and
they can be read in any order at all. See the links below. ^_^
______________________________________________________________________________________________
:Insanity:
:Clarity:
:Grief:
:Pride:
:Memory:
:Hate:
:Silence:
:Glass:
:Love: :Failure: :Loneliness: :Despair: :Desire: :Forgiveness: :more to come:
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Note!
Now-customary shameless plugs.
'In
Your Shoes,' Kenyako, chapter 5 updated on June 11.
'Sadness-Colored
Sandglass,' Kensuke, chapter 12 updated on May 26.
Thanks minna-san! On with the fic!
I was the favorite.
Or so he always told me.
I am a free spirit, yet condemned.
I was damned to this life and the personality I masqueraded in.
My mask has broken and my tears have fallen.
My heart was made of the thickest glass that had been thrown around, stepped
on, and crushed beneath the heels of people I called my friends, and yet it
never broke. My mask held perfectly, never wavering for a moment, except in
those long moments when my life passed before my eyes and I didn't realize that
I'd never done anything that I was really proud of.
I didn't share my heart with many people. My parents, my brother, my friends.
Especially Taichi, who I always liked a little bit more than I was supposed to.
He didn't mind when he found out, for once one of Daisuke's screwups ended up
doing something good.
It wasn't what you'd call the heat of passion, no. We were teenagers, and too
shy with our preferences to make them known in public. So every time something
happened between us--a quick kiss, a wistful hug, a stolen guilty look or a
simple anonymous gift--my stomach erupted in a flurry of butterflies, and my
heart swelled until I feared its shield was broken and I would be vulnerable.
But the thing that broke my heart was something I never could have expected.
He went into the hospital on a cold, rainy day, perfectly ordinary but for that
minor detail. I hadn't known at first. Kaasan left a message on my cell phone,
but I was at a band practice and never checked it. When I got home Otousan
hadn't even been there, I could tell. I was always late on Tuesdays, and he
usually got us take-out. But at nine o'clock, there was no sign of him.
Then, at nine-thirty-two, I heard the deadbolt slide back and the door open.
Praying my father had gotten some form of food for us, I ran to the porch,
surprised to find Taichi there. He seemed equally surprised to see me. Turned
out he had just come from the hospital after dropping Hikari off there. I
wanted to know if Hikari-chan was sick; was she all right?
Taichi replied with a negative, shock evident on his face. It was Takeru that
she went to see.
The bottom fell out of my world.
I begged Taichi to give me his car keys. He didn't know anything except that
Takeru had collapsed at school and Hikari had come home crying before asking
her brother to bring her to Odaiba General Hospital. The elder Yagami complied,
and my mother had asked him to pick up some things for my father as he wouldn't
be leaving the hospital for a while, and then find me, wherever I was. The
keyring in his hand was one I had given to my little brother on his birthday
last year.
He threw some clothes in a bag while I collected some of my own things.
Toiletries, clothes, sheet music, and my Digivice. I left Gabumon with
instructions to go to Jyou's if anything went wrong before flying out of the
apartment, leaving Taichi to lock the door.
At the hospital, Takeru was lying pale in the bed, an IV inserted in his slender
arm. I couldn't breathe. Something was terribly wrong with my little brother,
the blond-haired blue-eyed troublemaker that I tried so hard to bring up to be
a good kid. Over in the corner, Patamon cried in Daisuke's arms while Hikari
cried in Miyako's. Taichi gently held me, his arms clasped around my waist.
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't speak.
Cancer. My baby brother had cancer. Sixteen years old and his lifeblood
draining away with every breath.
I stared, stonefaced.
But I never cried.
Maybe they thought I was heartless, but I don't think so. Only weeks later we
lost Takeru, my sweet otoutochan, my only connection to sanity through all
those lonely days and nights in the Digital World when I hated myself and my
life.
Gone.
What could I do? I comforted my distraught parents as best I could, found
solace in only Taichi's company, and stopped going to school. I couldn't face
any of Takeru's friends anymore, especially not Hikari. Her eyes were dead.
Lifeless.
Like mine.
I came home from the funeral, and I cried so hard I couldn't breathe.
The days became small eternities. My mother moved back in, but I didn't care
anymore. She slept in my room. I slept on the couch, or at Taichi's or Jyou's
when I couldn't stand to see my parents anymore. When I couldn't stand to see
that little box of Takeru's belongings in the corner, or Patamon sobbing in the
room that had once been mine.
I couldn't stand it anymore.
Looking back, I guess Takeru would be upset with me for doing something so
stupid. But today, I really don't care, or at least I didn't up until now. My
glass heart is shattered in a million glittering peices on the floor. There in
an endless sea or red pooling out around the shards, or are they tears? My
vision is blurred from the tears and the pain. I'm wondering if I'm making a
mistake.
But it's too late now.
I wish I'd done this in the bathroom, so my parents wouldn't come home to find
this mess. Two children dead within days of each other. Two lives lost. It
would probably kill Mom. I think I'm beginning to regret.
I wish I'd told Taichi that I loved him, even though I think he already knew. I
think this will destroy him. I'm sorry, koi. I think I'm beginning to regret...
I wish I'd done things differently. The blood is spilling out of my wrists, so
dark, like liquid death pouring forth. I regret...
I wish you didn't have to die, Otoutochan. I wish I didn't have to follow you
so foolishly. I regret, I regret, all the things I did and didn't do, I'm sorry
Takeru, forgive me!
It's getting dark, and I'm getting sick to my stomach. I'm sorry...
The crystal shards are glittering, and a tear falls from my eye. It's too late.
I'm sorry!
I love you, Takeru. Taichi. Kaasan. Tousan.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I--
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Shi-chan: Sweet Jesus...I have never written anything like that
before...