A/N: Seems like I tricked a lot of people with my misleading last chapter title. :P And I’ll answer the questions about Haibara in this one…

Only This

by Shimegami-chan

Chapter 5

“We’re in trouble.” Conan made a disgusted face. “I messed up.”

Heiji, who had returned just as Ran had left the room looking extremely upset, looked at him with interest. “Messed up? You told her?”

“Not so much, no. I told her something, but I’m not entirely sure what I said, thanks to the stupid poison and the drugs screwing with each other.” He was sitting with his legs drawn up to his chest, and at this he slumped forward so that his forehead rested against his knees, hiding his face. “I don’t know what I said, but I saw it in her face - she was completely repulsed.”

Heiji frowned. “But does she know you’re you or doesn’t she? I mean, you still have all your limbs.”

“I don’t think so.” Conan lifted his head and paused to recall what he remembered of the confession. “She never once called me Shinichi. I guess I was back to my senses before I got that far, thank God. But when I came to, I, uh…”

“You what?” Heiji regarded the grade-schooler, who was now wearing a furious blush, with interest.

“I was…kissing her.”

“Ooooh. So you finally made a move, eh!?” Heiji tried to form a mental picture of such a scene, and the resulting vision made him chuckle at the absurdity of it all.

“Shut up. It’s not funny,” Conan groused. “I made her cry, too. She knows that I only told her my secrets because of all the chemicals in my system, but she also thinks that everything I told her was true. And it probably was, but the problem is that I don’t know exactly what I told her.”

“And what did you deduce? I’m sure you didn’t let her walk away without trying to figure it out.”

Conan sighed heavily. “She knows I’m dying, for one.”

“Ouch.”

“She knows I like her…how much, exactly, I can’t say. She knows I’ve been lying to her about something, but she probably assumes it’s some combination of those things. She said that…she loved me too much to hate me, even if it’s ’not the same way I love her.’”

“That’s pretty thorough.” Heiji grimaced. “How long were you drugged for?”

“Not long.” Conan shrugged helplessly. “Less than fifteen minutes this time. The morphine is becoming less and less effective on me as time goes on…I wouldn’t be surprised if eventually it stopped working before my attacks even ended.”

Stunned, Heiji sat up straighter in his chair. “You’re kidding. Have you told that little Neechan about it?”

“What could she do if I did?” Conan let out a bitter laugh, the light reflecting on his glasses in such a way that Heiji could no longer see his eyes. “Haibara’s already doing everything she can. She feels responsible enough for the situation without me making it worse.”

Heiji immediately knew what he meant. “Because she’s the one who made the poison?”

“Exactly. She’s not the one who’s being affected right now, either - every test they’ve done on her cells indicate that she’s a perfectly healthy child. It could be because she took the Apotoxin months after I did, or because she wasn’t messing around with the temporary cures all the time, except for that one dose of Paical - either way, Haibara’s fine and I’m not. I think she might be feeling guilty, after all, she’s the one that was willing to die for the cause in the first place.”

“I very rarely see your sense of self-preservation kicking in when it comes to these things, Kudo,” Heiji pointed out with a grin.

Conan responded with a rare smile of his own. “Of course; that’s because we’re detectives. It comes with the job, you know?”

----------------

It was near midnight when Heiji left the hospital that Thursday, after spending hours with the Detective of the East. Kudo had been unusually talkative, probably because of his dangerous scene with Ran that afternoon (Heiji had noticed that Kudo took to babbling when he was nervous), and rather than talk about current events and cases the boys had ended up talking about themselves, something they hadn’t really done in quite some time. Heiji had missed talking casually with his friend, even if they were usually just bantering, and thought back to their long phone conversations from the summer - the ones that had made Kazuha so jealous because she thought he was on the phone with a girl. Kazuha could be so dimwitted sometimes, Heiji thought - he’d never understand women, that much was certain.

There were a lot of things about Kudo that Heiji hadn’t known, it seemed. He was a detective, he was in high school, he had top marks even when away from classes and he was an excellent soccer player - these things were public knowledge. Heiji already had felt privileged to know that he knew a secret about Kudo Shinichi that was only shared by a few. But now he had a whole host of secrets, serious and funny, good and bad, and it somehow made the Western boy sombre rather than proud. Examples: Kudo was tone deaf; Kudo could quote lines from LeBlanc’s Lupin novels, though he wouldn’t admit it; Kudo’s favourite Holmes story was The Sign of the Four, his preferred colour was red, his favourite television program was The Kindaichi Casefiles, he had a penchant for strawberries, he liked girls with long hair, his vacation spot of choice was England…

He was a little prone to arachnophobia, he thought maybe boastfulness was his worst trait, though he couldn’t be sure…he had really come to like both of Ran’s parents, though he’d never admit it…and when Heiji had asked about the drug…

“Do you regret it?”

“I resent it. Who wouldn’t? But to say that I regret all the experiences being small has taught me…then no.” He’d paused. “But don’t tell anyone that.”

Heiji didn’t intend to tell any of the secrets Kudo had let slip this evening. (He couldn’t stop thinking about Conan as being Kudo, either, it seemed.) Somehow it seemed to him as though his friend was tying up loose ends; giving Heiji outright information because there was no more time for leisurely clues. Once again Heiji was glad to be in Kudo’s confidences, and had tried to share just as much information about himself, but it lent an air of finality to the whole affair and he’d had to conceal his worries. Once visiting hours had ended and he’d bid the other detective good-night, Heiji had needed to calm his nerves at a nearby café for an hour before he could head back to his temporary residence.

Just outside the house, though, Heiji sensed something amiss and hung back to watch for a few moments. An unfamiliar car was parked outside the gate - both Kudo’s parents had been taking taxis, as only their motorbike had been left in Japan when they moved overseas, and neither wanted to drive it at this time of year. The lights were all off in the mansion, though from Heiji’s vantage point across the street, he could see movement at Agasa’s place. Something was obviously happening.

Slipping into the shadows between the two residences, Heiji waited, and was rewarded for his patience when he heard a faint child speaking - Haibara? - from the porch of the Professor. “I will not be held responsible by Kudo-kun if you are killed rushing into this.”

“You may act mature, but you’re as inexperienced as he is,” an older, male voice replied in gruff tones, but not unkindly. “I appreciate your concern, but this is something I have to do.”

“Just be careful,” a third and more familiar person instructed. Heiji could imagine the concerned frown on the Professor’s face simply from the way he spoke. “We’re ready to do what we can to help.”

“As though we weren’t already doing enough,” the child muttered, barely loud enough for Heiji to hear.

Footsteps came down the driveway and approached the car, their owner coming into Heiji’s view just as the porch lights died away. He wore all black, from greatcoat to gloves, and an alert expression, seemingly having sensed the detective’s sharp eyes on him.

“Ossan,” Heiji said, immediately doing away with any cover-ups the man intended to make, “you’re going after them, aren’t you?”

Yuusaku straightened; returned Heiji’s secretive smile with one of his own. “That depends on what you’re going to tell my son about it.”

“That depends on whether I think you can take them.”

“We have a lead. Just one,” Yuusaku replied mildly, “but one may be enough. An office building that is supposedly owned by a pharmaceutical company, but the police have been watching the place for quite some time, trying to determine what exactly is its true purpose. It’s not necessarily a clue to the Organization, but it is something suspicious, and they don’t know we know.”

“You’re certain it isn’t a trap, then?”

“It would seem not.” Yuusaku shrugged. “The police didn’t intend to move at all until I went to my old friend Megure to ask about possible links to the Black Organization. I can trust him, at least, if no one else, and he promised to only put his best men on it. A very small group.”

Heiji immediately rattled off a list. “Takagi, Satou, Shiratori…and you haven’t told them about Kudo?”

Yuusaku shook his head. “Shinichi’s right; the more people who know, the more danger everyone will be in if the wrong person finds out. He has, at least, become more cautious while I’ve been gone.”

Heiji had difficulty imagining a Kudo who was more bullheaded, arrogant and prone to ending up in bad situations than the one he knew…but he, Heiji, couldn’t really say much, as Kudo had bailed him out just as often.

“So, what will you do?” Yuusaku asked mildly, noting Heiji’s silence.

“I don’t want to stop you,” the Osaka boy said, crossing his arms over his chest. “But I don’t want you to get in over your head, either. Don’t start acting like your son and thinking that you’re the only one who can do any good.”

Yuusaku just looked at him, surprised, so Heiji continued. “He had to get that from someone, and it wasn’t Yukiko-neechan, that’s for sure. I know Kudo doesn’t want us involved, either, but he’d be blind to think we weren’t already. If you need help, you ask for it - me, or the Professor, or even Mouri-ossan. If Megure and his group are already behind you, and I know Kudo’s gotten Jodie-sensei and the FBI involved, then we have a fighting chance at least to get the information we need to save him, even if we can’t bring down the Organization. Hell, even Kaitou Kid is fighting for your son, though I can’t figure out for the life of me how the heck it happened. Think about that first, will you?”

Yuusaku stepped back and looked Heiji up and down, seeming to regard the young detective with greater respect. “That is excellent advice, Heiji-kun. I will try not to do anything rash, though as you understand, sometimes the situation really calls for it.”

Heiji nodded gravely. “And if it does, you call us.”

-to be continued…