Gundam Wing and it's characters are copyright Sotsu, Sunrise, and some other people, don't own them and have never claimed to. Please don't sue me, you won't get much....
"Trusting You,"
Part 5
by Shi-chan
Nothing Is Forever
The next morning Duo wandered out of his room fairly early in the morning dressed in one of Quatre's collared blue shirts and a pair of dark-green pants. In hopes of finding his way to the kitchen he felt his way along the wall in early morning semi-darkness, not wanting to wake up Quatre and the other pilots.
At the end of the hallway he nearly tripped over Wufei, sitting cross-legged on the beige carpet. The Aisan's eyes were closed and he seemed quite asleep.
When Duo's eyes adjusted to the light in the room he was surprised to find his former comrades dead asleep, still in their clothing in the living room. Quatre, the blond one, was clutching a peice of black fabric tightly in his hands and leaning against the unibanged pilot Trowa. Heero--that was his name, Duo was sure--seemed to be sleeping with his eyes open, his breathing was deep and heavy but his lifeless eyes focused on nothing.
Duo crept past the three sleeping pilots to the kitchen, but Heero Yuy's harsh voice stopped him. "What are you doing up, Duo?"
Duo stopped suddenly and observed the now-alert pilot. "I thought you were asleep."
"I have been having difficulty sleeping."
"Oh." Duo scrambled for something to say to this. "Um, would you like some breakfast?"
"Quatre usually cooks." Heero said dully.
"I know it's his house, but I'd like to be able to help you out as much as possible..." Duo looked hopeful and Heero vaguely noticed that at least Duo's indigo eyes were sparkling again...or that could be his imagination.
"Quatre cooks because last time you did it you burnt the base down." Heero turned his hurt gaze away from Duo's confused stare so Duo wouldn't see the pain in his eyes. Duo had cooked for his friends many a time, and it usually ended up in disaster with some part of the kitchen destroyed. Yet no one ever stopped him when he decided he was going to "help the guys out."
Duo, sensing Heero's hostility, turned his back. "I guess I'll just make something simple for myself."
"You do that." Heero turned his again-blank stare downwards until Duo had left the room.
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Living with the new Duo seemed to be nothing but trouble and pain for all four of the Gundam pilots, and Heero had quickly realized that he didn't even know he was doing it. It was like Duo was dead and had been replaced by a bad duplicate that occasionally smiled and seemed totally oblivious to what he had been like before the accident.
The very first incident was the clothes. Quatre had laid out his usual priest's collar and black outfit for Duo as soon as it had been cleaned, but Duo had refused to put it on. "I wore that? You must be joking!" Even after Quatre explained the symbolism behind the choice of clothing to Duo, Duo continued dressing more like Trowa and Quatre than himself. Duo's refusal to accept this vitally-important peice of his past struck Heero to the core. Maybe they really weren't going to get the old Duo back. More than once after that Heero and Trowa had caught Quatre in his room staring dully at the black cloth, half-crying. Heero hadn't been caught yet, but occasionally he slipped Duo's old clothing out of the closet and held it, breathing in its essence, imagining a grinning Duo parading around in it with his gold cross around his neck. Once Heero had tried the black outfit on, collar and all, but quickly removed it so as not to become overwhelmed by memories of Duo. The pain was too much for him or anyone else to handle.
The next big event was Quatre walking in on Duo holding a large pair of scissors, trying to debate whether or not to cut his hair. Luckily Quatre hadn't flown into the murderous rage that Heero would have, and discussed this in detail with Duo. Duo had complained that there was no point in hair hair of that length, that it made him look feminine and was a bother to keep clean. Quatre's main arguement was that he had always kept it clean before, and the new Duo's retort was that he was a new person, and he shouldn't be dwelling on the past. That stopped Quatre in his tracks, as his next persuasive line was that the chestnut braid was an important part of Duo's life and his past. Wufei and Quatre managed to convince Duo that if he ever got his memory back he would deeply regret cutting his hair, but after that Duo kept the long chestnut locks woven tightly to his scalp and tucked down the back of his shirt. When Heero found out about the incident he put a hole through his bedroom wall, but Quatre asked no questions about it and Heero volunteered no answers. It was silently spoken between them that this was the new Duo, and that they were going to have to accept him for what he was.
The third was the clincher for Heero's already stretched-thin patience. After two months at the Winner house the Maganac had finally managed to repair Deathscythe into workable condition, and Heero couldn't have been happier. He was sure that this would trigger some of Duo's memories, and took the American pilot down to see the shining Gundam. Duo had seemed pleased that Heero had done such a thing for him, but when Heero asked if he wanted to test it out Duo declined, saying that he didn't know how and wasn't interested in going back to piloting. A disappointed and angry Heero took Deathscythe for a test ride himself, and finally broke down in the cockpit of his friend's most prized posession.
It was the first time the perfect soldier had ever shed tears. He did it for the friend lost, the friendship forgotten, the replacement, and the boy he loved but had never been able to tell. He cried for the pain he saw in Quatre and Trowa and Wufei's eyes every day and the emotionless orbs of his own, with the sharp pangs of regret hidden deep below where neither Heero nor Duo could ever find them again. Heero Yuy had lost the most important person in his life, and he had let it happen.