Hey Neji...
By: Shimegami
Warnings: Shounen ai, Shikamaru being a badmouth
Disclaimer: not mine. Don't sue.
AN: This pairing is one of my favorites, despite being totally unfathomable
and unlikely. I just think they would mesh well, for some reason. What
pairing, you ask? Read on to find out!
Hey Neji...
I am going to kill Naruto. Slowly, painfully, with plenty of torture and
sharp pointy objects in new and inventive places.
That resolve decided, now...what the hell am I going to do about this?
Naruto's watching me, I know it, to make sure I go with this. Stupid dare.
Stupid alcohol. Stupid blonde psychopath who surely wants me to get
myself killed. First he pushes me into the chuunin exam match, and now
this...
Earlier resolve modified: toture, pointy objects, and total public
humiliation will be in order.
I continue my death march, trying to appear like I normally do. It's
either this, or the entire village discovers just who "accidently" knocked
down the key support for a new house...
Dammit, it *was* an accident. I was half asleep anyway....they shouldn't
put strange objects in my path when it's 5:30 in the morning!
Stupid support beam. Stupid dare. Stupid Naruto.
I see my doom now, and oh why does it have to be in public?? He's with his
teammates too, that's going to make things interesting...for Naruto. It
makes it hell for me. I really really wish I hadn't had any alcohol, or
had at least enough to blame it for this. As it is, there's no way I'm
drunk enough to pass off not knowing what I'm doing, and he's going to
notice it too...
Oh man, why can't all my problems just...drop dead? It'd be so much
easier. It's times like these that make me remember why I want to be a
cloud.
This outfit is not helping. Why was I wearing it anyway? Oh yeah. Stupid
dare. For a dare, it's really quite involved. Well, that's Naruto for
you. Stupid leather. Stupid buckles. I don't mind the fishnet really,
but it's the whole "male slut" feeling that's grating on my nerves.
Oh, I'm here. Now I'm going to die. This might be more dramatic if I can
summon up the will to feel anything other than resentment. Stupid Naruto.
There he stands, in all of his pessimistic bastard glory. Stupid glass-
half-empty person. Go and die somewhere peacefully, so I don't have to do
this.
I'm standing in front of him as if I want something (No! I don't want it!
I want to leave!), and so logically he stands as well, apparently waiting
for me to get on with it. Man, I really hate arrogance.
Naruto's still watching me, and now the two teammates are looking at me
expectantly as well. Why is it only my life that has events like these?
I'd like for someone to get Naruto plastered and then have him confess his
undying love for the Uchiha guy. In front of the entirety of Konohagakure.
Just like I'm about to do.
Not that it's undying love...he's just attractive, all right? So I like
the pessimistic bastards....and I'm putting this off, he's starting to look
even more pissed.
So, I start.
Shoving all my self-dignity into a small hole with my motivation (Damn,
that's a small hole), I put a (hopefully) sexy smirk on my face, and trying
to keep a straight face and not keel over dead from embarrasment, I hold up
a screw and say...
"Hey, Neji....wanna screw?"
If I were in a different position, say, Naruto's, then I would consider the
expression on his face to be pricelessly hilarious, and obviously my
assumption is correct, if the whooping guffaws from Naruto's position are
telling me anything. This so sucks. Naruto sucks.
His teammates are the first to react. Tenten falls to the ground in
hysterics. Apparently she and Naruto share the same opinion about this
situation. Well, you suck too. You can go to hell with Naruto.
Lee looks torn between scandalized shock, and joining Tenten in her little
show of amusement. Well, I'm glad I'm so amusing to at least two people.
My gaze turns back to my doom, the one the words were directed to, and the
one I harbored a tiny unacknowledged crush on.
He's....not doing anything. Maybe he's in shock. Or maybe he's thinking
about the various ways to kill me. He's just staring at me. Damn creepy
Hyuuga eyes. Why couldn't they be a nice color, like...blue?
He's still staring, and his lack of reaction is starting to seriously creep
me. Abandoning all pretexts of sexiness or actually wanting to be there, I
turn and flee for my life.
------Later (Wow, I'm descriptive)------
I'm still hiding from the population, and will continue to do so for as
long as I can manage. I think I'll live the rest of my life as a secluded
hermit. Wait, no, they're shinobi, they'll be able to find me. Damn.
I sigh and lean back against the tree I'm hiding in. Gah. I became a
shinobi so that my life would be fun. It's just turned out to be
troublesome and annoying. I wish I could just fall alseep and not have to
get up, ever. That'd be so cool. So I didn't have to worry about dares
and chuunin exams and damn creepy Hyuuga eyes staring at me from across the
branch...
GAH!
There he is, squatting on a branch near to mine, just staring at me. I
wonder briefly how he found me so quickly, it's only been five minutes
since my unglorious saving-my-ass retreat, and most of that was spent
getting here, but I see the fading of the pronouced veins around his eyes.
Oh, right, silly me. Of course hiding yourself in foliage won't work when
the one chasing you can just see right through it. Special abilities can
go to hell with Naruto and Tenten.
He's just *watching* me again. What is with him and staring at me? I know
what I did was stupid and utterly and amazingly not cool, but he doesn't
have to *stare* at me.
"Are you going to do something, or sit there and gape at me all day?" I
know it's a stupid thing to sya the moment it leaves my mouth, but anymore
staring and creepy eyes and I'll go crazy.
He blinks, apparently not expecting that. Something shifts in his
expression, and I suddenly wish he was staring again. Well, staring
differently. Staring at me like I'm a complete idiot is okay, as I just
acted like one, but staring at me like...like I'm a damn bar of chocolate
is not acceptable!
"About your offer..." His quiet, intense voice gives me creepy-crawlies,
and I can tell he's deliberately talking slowly, just to affect me.
Bastard.
He moves suddenly, so fast my eyes barely track him. He's beside me now,
and as this isn't the biggest of branches, he's close. Very close.
Personal space, what's that?
His eyes bore into mine, and I find myself noticing the tiny grey streaks
that give them the faintest color, the only things that distinguish from
iris and blank white space. They're kind of pretty, if they weren't so
creepy.
He's too close, far too close. His breath just barely gusts along my
cheek, and I really want to be anywhere but here. He's really too close,
and I don't like him really, he's just too attractive for his own good,
like the Uchiha. Guys that pretty shouldn't exist.
He's still looking straight into my eyes (well, I think he is, it's
slightly hard to tell when there's no pupil to give you direction), as if
he's looking for something. He really is attractive, just too close for
comfort now.
Suddenly, he smirks, as if he's found something in my eyes he liked.
"I think I'll take you up on that." He finishes his previous sentence,
plucks the not-so-forgotten screw out of my pocket, and suddenly whisks
himself away, leaving me alone, speechless, and suddenly slightly chilly.
....Bastard.
But still, as I resign myself to my fate and start to head back to the
village, he took it...right? What does that mean?
I'm suddenly rather happy as I jump from tree to tree, wind rushing against
my body.
Ah, maybe my little crush isn't so unacknowlegded after all, eh?
~Owari~
AN: Whee...pointless. And totally weird pairing. Ah well, I like it.
Shikamaru is sooo cool XD. That's right, this was NejiShika! ^^;
I made a neji shrine! Go go! Anything
you want to submit would be much appreciated, as well. ^.~ (hint hint)
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